You and I are supposed to be connected — Sarazanmai Episode 5

“No one can find out (about this secret)”

“Go grab it!”

“You and I are supposed to be connected.”

-lyrics from the kappa’s song at the Field of Desires, Sarazanmai

There’s a lot of nuance in “supposed to be” or “should be.” “Supposed to be” or “should be” says that something is not right. Something should exist that does not. Should implies obligation, suggestion, or a likely event.

The lyrics of their songs and patterns of the kappa boys’ actions upon arriving at the Field of Desires have been standardized by the series. This allowed viewers, and Kazuki Yasaka himself, to have a bit of a false sense of security entering Sarazanmai‘s fifth episode.

Yet, if you stop and actually think about Kazuki’s plan, his plot to capture Sara Azuma (even with Toi Kuji’s help) marks a significant escalation in Kazuki’s actions. Stealing someone’s cat, although wrong, is not on the same level as beating up Sara’s manager and kidnapping Sara for the afternoon. This was the episode that proved Kazuki would do anything to continue being Sara for Haruka, and his embarrassing, public failure along with the revelations and leaks about his family lead to another, more critical failure: the failure to connect to Toi and Enta, trapping all three boys as kappa.

“You and I are supposed to be connected” always stood out to me among all of the other lyrics in their shirikodama song. It suggests that something that is likely to exist doesn’t due to unforeseen circumstances, or circumstances out of the kappas’ control.

The evolution of Sarazanmai episode titles has been an interesting pattern, running concurrently with the boys’ struggle to connect with each other and important people in their lives. The first two and the fifth are presumably from Kazuki’s perspective, the third is from Enta’s perspective, and the fourth, Toi’s. The speaker changes depending on who takes the lead that week and whose secrets are leaked in the process.

As mentioned previously, the first two episode titles shift into a negative for the second part of the phrase — I don’t want to tell the truth (I want to lie), I don’t want to give (I want to take). Enta’s is the first that shifts away from this pattern and places more emphasis on an unknown party that’s out of Enta’s control with the phrase “It’s not meant to be.” His romantic love for Kazuki, in Enta’s words, is not meant to be, but this could be for myriad reasons. Kazuki might not be into Enta. Enta’s love is fairly selfish and his desire is to return their relationship to old times while also making Kazuki into a person he cannot be anymore. There’s also societal pressure against homosexuality — Enta isn’t “supposed to” have a crush on Kazuki.

Similarly, the second part of Toi’s title, “You’re so far away” or “You’re not near” shifts focus away from Toi and towards the object of his hidden desires. He’s not close to his older brother Chikai because his brother is physically not near. Yet, Toi is also set some distance emotionally from Chikai, and this is primarily due to Chikai trying to distance himself from Toi as much as possible for Toi’s benefit. Whether this is a good decision or not is up for debate, but Chikai’s actions and few conversations with Toi make Chikai’s reasoning clear.

Tying this back to “should” or “supposed to” in the song lyric, that too implies something that is beyond the boys’ control. The trick is figuring out what truly is out of their hands — Enta can’t force Kazuki to fall in love with him, Toi can’t force his brother to stay — and what they’re willfully ignoring or brushing aside, thereby blaming themselves or others for their failure to connect.

Kazuki takes the position of main vocal in three of Sarazanmai‘s five episodes thus far. It’s no coincidence that for those first two, the episode titles are negative things that belong to the speaker. Kazuki wants to keep lying and it’s stopping him from connecting with Haruka. Kazuki wants to keep taking and it’s stopping him from connecting with Haruka. These both blame Kazuki for his shortcomings that are actively blocking a true sibling relationship with Haruka.

In this episode Kazuki says, through the episode title, that he cannot be forgiven, or that it’s unacceptable and this is why he cannot connect. The language tries to shift focus away from Kazuki, but draws more attention to his debilitating guilt. Kazuki’s guilt is on display throughout the episode from the moment it’s revealed that he’s not a biological member of the Yasaka family to his argument immediately before Haruka’s accident while trying to hide his meeting with his biological mother. He already would have said that “it’s unacceptable” due to his parentage, but Haruka’s accident makes Kazuki’s guilt infinitely worse.

It’s no wonder that Kazuki pretends to be someone else in order to develop a relationship with Haruka. As Sara, Kazuki doesn’t have to worry about Kazuki Yasaka’s guilt. Instead, Kazuki borrows a different persona and build a relationship that way. With Sara, he can compartmentalize his feelings and shift them away for short periods of time. When that Sara persona is revealed as Kazuki to Haruka, Kazuki cannot reconcile the things he feels are his fault — Haruka’s accident, being biologically unrelated to Haruka — while facing Haruka as himself. There’s nothing to suggest that Haruka blames Kazuki in any way, and the situation is not Kazuki’s fault. Yet, what matters are Kazuki’s feelings on the issue and he is boxed in by his own guilt. He now not only cannot connect with Haruka, he cannot connect with Toi or Enta either, trapping all three as kappa.

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4 comments

  1. Hi! I’m still a beginner in Japanese but I wanted to point out, about that sentence from the lyrics you highlight, it’s directly connected to the rest of the paragraph:

    僕と君とは つながれるはずなのさ
    You and I are supposed to be connected, BUT (なのさ)
    ヨー・クー・ボー!
    生命(いのち)の意味を 確かめるのさ

    Desire!
    The meaning of our lives, we wanted to ascertain it.

    So I think there’s a case for reading it as desire (in the sense of the shallow immediate desire) is the cause of this separation (i want to connect, but I’m torn by my desire).
    Here the songs posits desire as “the meaning of life”, and seems to point the finger for this separation to some kind of curiosity about the wordly desires. I think it could be read as an allegory of the biblical fall, if you’re into that sort of thing. It seems to attribute the disconnect to some sort of temptation

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